spinach is more substantial than iceberg any day. i am really looking forward to the spinach fiasco being over so the wonderful salads will be back in full swing. work-life balance. is this a matter of personal discipline or organizational commitment? to be known is a great thing. i appreciate that feeling now in its absence. i say that, but tonight as i was wallowing in my current reality I got to talk to 2 people that know me very well and i them. I was headed to wal-mart, turned on ben harper's "forever" song. i really like this song. here are the lyrics. Not talkin' 'bout a year
no not three or four
I don't want that kind of forever
in my life anymore
forever always seems
to be around when it begins
but forever never seems
to be around when it ends
so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do
from you
People spend so much time
every single day
runnin' 'round all over town
givin' their forever away
but no not me
I won't let my forever roam
and now I hope I can find
my forever a home
so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do
from you
Like a handless clock with numbers
an infinite of time
no not the forever found
only in the mind
forever always seems
to be around when things begin
but forever never seems
to be around when things end
so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do from you
.................................... I am not the girl who has always had her wedding planned or "the list" for her perfect guy. I know character traits that are important for relationships in general, but I never liked to have it all figured out. That hasn't changed, but the desire to be known by someone consistently in the midst of such constant change and transition has been so pronounced as of late. I have been living in such tight space with my sister it is as though i am married to someone i would not choose. i love her so very much, but I do recognize that family is the group of people that you do not choose, though this is also a great testament to God's providence in that there is undeniable purpose in that community. anyway, i am lonely. 7 or 8 of my closest friends have moved within the past 5 months and i am feeling a bit barren. i notice myself being more selfish than i have in a long time simply out of desparation to be known. I long to have a stable force next to me to face these tumultuous times. someone to wrestle with the hard decisions to make with my sister as well as someone to go fishing with. I never wanted to be at this point...I know that I will continue on, not sitting here waiting for the void to be filled, but I do look forward to that time. I don't quit because its hard or lonely, but i do recognize the warmth that comes with a conversation with my friend hannah or megan because they know me. Do you move to the places of those people who know you and you know them? literally...do I move to denver because megan lives there and instead of the hr long convo on the phone about tennessee williams and her intellectual devotion, we could be sitting in her house with a beer or a glass of wine (not sure why alcohol and tennesee williams have to go hand in hand) talking and laughing about our thoughts on it all. As I near the end of my time in grad school and work i wonder how to filter the decision of where to go next. is it the people/location and then the job or vice versa? The why behind all these questions is important, as my boss says, because that will keep me getting up every morning. colorado, spain, charlotte, northern california, honduras. somewhere warm sounds nice today. it is funny how much thought goes into all of this every day. as i toil over each issue God reveals his care for me by little things like a good conversation with hannah (shes been in europe for the last 4 months) or megan. though they don't fit the big burly man ad I put in the paper, they know me and I know them...that is a cherishable feeling. and here are a couple pics of my big sis Liz while i was in colorado a couple weekends ago  
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